Finding Peace in What You Can Control: Using the Circle of Control to Manage Anxiety

• The Buffering Brain
• Enter the Circle of Control
• The Inner Circle: Your Power Center
• The Middle Ring: Strategic Influence
• The Outer Circle: Where Anxiety Lives
• The Relief of Labeling
• Putting It Into Practice: The Sorting Exercise
• Creating Your Control Action Plan
• Daily Strategies for Shifting Your Focus
• Build momentum.
• It’s ok to ask for help.

We’ve all been there—lying awake at 2 AM, mind racing through an endless loop of what-ifs. What if I mess up that presentation? What if they think I’m incompetent? What if everything falls apart? Your heart pounds, your shoulders tense, and suddenly you’re stuck in what one of our staff describes as “buffering mode”—that exhausting cycle of constant worry where your brain just keeps spinning without getting anywhere.

Here’s the thing: anxiety isn’t a character flaw. It’s a completely natural human response to uncertainty or perceived threat.

Some anxiety is normal, and even beneficial: feeling anxious about a test or project may motivate you to study more or work harder and thus be better prepared.  But if you start to notice avoidant behaviors and your anxiety is interfering with daily activities, it’s time to  address it. (Read about anxiety from the Mayo Clinic.)

The Buffering Brain

Think about anxiety versus fear for a moment. Fear is your body’s reaction to an actual threat—the autonomic nervous system kicking in when you need to fight or flee. Anxiety, on the other hand, is the anticipation of threat. 

When we feel unsafe or overwhelmed, anxiety increases. And at the heart of this increase is one key factor: loss of control. When we perceive we have no control over a situation, our anxiety skyrockets. We get caught in thought spirals: I’m not good enough. I don’t want to ask for help. I’m a burden.

The exhausting part? Most of us are putting enormous amounts of energy into worrying about things we can’t actually control—and that’s exactly what keeps us stuck.

Enter the Circle of Control

The Circle of Control model offers a simple framework for breaking free from anxiety’s grip. It asks us to sort everything we’re worried about into three distinct categories:

1. Things I Can Control (the inner circle)
2. Things I Can Influence (the middle ring)
3. Things I Cannot Control (the outer circle)

The magic happens when we take all those swirling thoughts and worries and actually separate them. By giving our brains this clarity, we tend to reduce anxiety almost immediately.

The Inner Circle: Your Power Center

This is where you want to focus most of your energy. The inner circle contains things like:

• Your attitude and mindset
• Your boundaries
• Your behaviors and daily habits
• Your self-care practices
• Your effort and priorities
• Your personal goals

When you put energy here, you feel more grounded and powerful. Why? Because these are areas where you have genuine agency. Small changes in this circle can have lasting and bigger impacts. Adjusting your morning routine, setting a clear boundary with a colleague, or choosing to reframe a negative thought—these aren’t just tiny actions. They’re the building blocks of resilience.

The Middle Ring: Strategic Influence

The middle circle contains things you can’t fully control but can influence:

• Team environment at work
• Relationship dynamics
• Community engagement
• Preparations for upcoming challenges

Managing your expectations here is crucial. You can’t control whether your coworker will be receptive to feedback, but you can influence the conversation by choosing your timing and approach thoughtfully. Recognizing this distinction helps reduce frustration and directs your energy more effectively.

The Outer Circle: Where Anxiety Lives

Here’s where most of our anxiety takes up residence:

• Other people’s choices
• The weather and traffic
• Unexpected life events
• Things we said or did in the past
• What other people think of us

When we pour energy into this outer circle, we end up exhausted. We’re essentially trying to solve problems that aren’t ours to solve, trying to control things that are fundamentally outside our control.

The Relief of Labeling

The good news? Simply labeling something as “can’t control” provides a sigh of relief for your brain.

Our minds are wired for problem-solving, so when we tell our brain “this one isn’t your problem to solve,” it can begin to let it go. Instead of lumping everything into one big overwhelming mess, breaking worries into these three categories gives your brain the clarity it needs to know where to direct its efforts.

This labeling becomes an opportunity for cognitive reframing—a chance to shift from a thought spiral into actual action.

Putting It Into Practice: The Sorting Exercise

Try this right now. Think of things that are currently causing you stress or anxiety. Write them down, then sort them into the three circles.

For example, during one of Brandi’s training sessions, someone identified:

• “Will I get my exercise in with my changed Tuesday plan?” (Can control—I can adjust my[JC1] [SB2]  schedule or find alternative times)
• “Upcoming travel delays” (Cannot control—weather and airline operations are outside my influence)

It’s common to realize that many of your worries actually live in that outer circle. And that’s okay—noticing this is the first step.

Creating Your Control Action Plan

Now here’s where anxiety transforms into movement. Choose one stressor from your inner circle—something you can actually control. What are one to three small actions you can take in the next 48 hours?

Brandi recommends choosing something small. We’re not talking about overhauling your entire life. Small steps create momentum, and momentum is what reduces anxiety. Maybe it’s sending one email you’ve been avoiding. Maybe it’s laying out your workout clothes the night before. Maybe it’s spending 10 minutes breaking that overwhelming project into manageable chunks.

Daily Strategies for Shifting Your Focus

Building this practice into your daily life doesn’t require hours of work. Consider incorporating:

• Control Journaling: Take a few moments each morning to identify the things you can control about your day.
• Scheduled Worry Time: Give yourself 10 minutes a day to think about all the worries you can’t control, then consciously let them go and move on to what you can control.
• Mindfulness and Grounding: Try the 5 senses technique when anxiety hits—name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste.
• Box Breathing: Breathe in for four counts, hold for four, out for four, hold for four. Repeat.
• Boundary Setting: Practice saying no to things that drain your energy from your circle of control.

Build momentum.

Small daily actions over time create bigger changes. When you consistently shift your energy back to the center circles—focusing on what you can control and influence—you build resilience and confidence.

The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety completely. It’s to stop exhausting yourself by trying to control the uncontrollable and instead channel that energy toward what’s actually within your power.

Sometimes that’s enough.

It’s ok to ask for help.

And sometimes, what you try on your own isn’t enough. Or the idea of starting is just too hard. That’s when it’s time to ask for help. Talk to your primary care provider about your anxiety and reach out to a therapist who can help you take those first steps.

At Alaska Behavioral Health, we offer:

• Primary care services. Our primary care team includes a collaborative care coordinator who can provide support to address minor anxiety and other mood disorders.
• Group and individual therapy for children and adults.
• Specialized services for members of the military community through the Cohen Clinic at AKBH.
• Psychiatric care. Medication can be vital to treat anxiety in some cases.